yeah

So a friend informed me that this is boring. I agree. I dunno if it's just that I'm boring, which is entirely possible, or if it's just the blog. Thing is, I don't know how exactly to make it more exciting. I mean, I could go and start writing out crazy dirty fantasy, which I guess would be rather more exciting. But at the same time fairly embarassing. Or I'll just stay the boring course.

I'm in a period of reevaluation. So I've not much to say. I want to start keeping a list of shit to look up when I come over here.

But this week was fine. I can't remember what exactly we did, but we did stuff.

Wow, talk about boring. That's all today. I'm spent.

Seemed Like a Short Week

So, Unconditional parenting. Dude. I hate phrases like "thought-provoking" but it really is. I'ma highly recommend this book. It has really made me think about the things I've been doing with my kids, from the way I speak to them to the methods of discipline I use. I burned through it in about a day and a half to get the gist, and then started it again the next day for a detailed read. Even if you're into things like spanking, this book is a good read. If, that is, you're into questioning yourself and reevaluting things. If you're not, don't bother. I've gone from guilt to noticing my own behaviors in others, to just considering. It's really very interesting.
Anyhow, back to things we did this past week.
The weekend was . . . okay. Dave was in a rawther shitty mood. Still, Saturday was my brother's birthday. I just can't believe he's 15 already. So we came over here and hung out and Dave got to ride a dirtbike. We also decided that since the weather was nice we'd go for a hike. We didn't think about the fact that things were liable to be muddy, though. So we struggled through about a mile of mud and muck. Dunc fell, got his knees all muddy and cut his hand on a rock. Dave bitched the whole time. I enjoyed it, however. The hike, not the bitching. The air smelled clean and springlike, all the plants are starting to grow and swell and get ready for summer.
Sunday we headed over to Clinton for a walk on the towpath. It was freakin gorgeous. Seriously. We saw a bunch of turtles sunning on logs in the old canal, and a pair of mallards. Looked like there might be a nest somewhere nearby. It was mobbed out, though, and we had issues keeping Dunc on the right so he didn't get run down by bikes.
Monday was another beautiful day. We all went outside for about an hour and a half, played in the yard. I opened up the sandbox and we all played in there. Riley loved it, she just kept laughing and clapping her hands. And trying to eat leaves.
Tuesday morning we all went to Burger King in Wadsworth and met Terra and an old teacher of mine who is now Katie Miller. The kids played in the playplace for awhile and we just sat n talked. Then when we got home, I took the kids to the backyard for more play in the sandbox. This time, Riley just kept grabbing leaves off of the ground and trying to bury them in sand. I unearthed a mummified bug exoskeleton and scared the hell out of myself. I didn't look at it, I was just handling it like it was a pebble or something. And then I felt the legs and looked and realized what was in my hand and jumped a mile. I'm not into bugs. I have a feeling that I'm gonna have to get over that.
And today, Wednesday, I woke up feelin bitchy. We went to Wadsworth to explain to the library that I returned The Dumb Bunnies last week, but the librarian ignored me and said "Oh, well, if it turns up at your house . . . " I said okay, fine, I hope you find it but if you don't, just renew it. Whatever.
Then we went over to Friedt Park for about ten minutes. I was not down for being around anyone, so as soon as another car pulled in we were gone. We went home by taking new roads which was interesting, and then played in the yard some more. Got the kids a nap, and my mom called to tell me she was home early from work. So we came over here, and I must've needed to hang out with my family, because my bitchy mood evaporated as soon as I got here.
Now Dunc's eating apples dipped in jelly -- I know, weird, right? and Riley is sitting in the highchair eating freeze-dried banana. I'ma wrap this up, cuz I've really nothing else to talk about, and go play.

Highs and Lows, Wins and Losses.

So I was praising any god that might control the weather when it got warm on Thursday. The kids and I passed the time easily, and went for a walk around town. We walked over to Sts Peter and Paul church, one of the oldest churches in the state. Duncan likes the stautes of Peter and Paul with the keys and sword and the little courtyard. Off to the left is a statue of Mary, so we looked at her too.
I don't go in much for organized religions -- I dig eastern belief systems and paganism -- and I know next to nothing about Catholocism and the saints and such. So the extent of my story about Mary was "Mary was a very special mommy, who had a very special baby named Jesus." I think Dunc and Ri can wait 'til they're a bit older to learn about religion -- and then decide for themselves if it's bullshit or not. What is religion anyway, except a construct of beliefs that resonate in your heart? I made a promise to my grandma on her deathbed that my babies would know about Jesus, and I won't break it. But I will let them know that they can choose to believe or not.
Moving on. Friday was fine. We had a picnic snack in the backyard. I ate Doritos and Dunc had Cheetoes. Yeah, horribly unhealthy. But come on. Everything in moderation. Some junk food a couple times a week is not something that worries me, when his normal snack of choice is carrot sticks or wheat thins. Deprivation leads to binging. Moderation results in a measure of self-regulation.
Friday night we went to a reverse raffle and my mom and sister Gianna kept the kids. It was the first time I've left Riley with anyone but Dave for an extended period of time and I was nervous. After all, she's at the seperation anxiety stage, she's teething, and even on normal nights she wants only me after about 7:30. But it went surprisingly well. I showed my mom how to use the ring sling and I think that helped. And the raffle was fun. Spraffin shite with clan Elder, got Cousin Mike angry discussing politics. I always find it interesting to talk to folks who try to be informed -- maybe even especially those who hold differing views from my own.
Anyway, I enjoy those folks, and we enjoyed the free food, and we walked outta there with $150. Hooray for winning.
So we got home after ten, Dunc was awake, then Ri woke up for boob. We didn't get them back out until about midnight. Dave and I got to bed about 12:30. Unfortunately, I couldn't get to sleep until after one . . . and my alarm starts going off at 3 so I can nurse Riley before work. I felt like a zombie, but work was OK. I came home to a tired husband and kids who were wide awake. Somehow in my sleep-deprived daze I made it til noon and got Dunc down for a nap. I then took Ri upstairs for what I hoped would be a short nap . . . and woke up at 5 pm! Wasted all the nice weather sleeping.
Sunday we took Dunc to Target for new shoes. He freaked out. Screamed when we took off his old ones. So we grabbed a pair of 9 1/2's and went to Buehlers to cash in WIC coupons and get a few essentials. I introduced Dave and Dunc to what has long been my favorite spurge -- Bolthouse Farms Vanilla Chai. It's made with soymilk and is pretty good for you -- all natural and blah blah blah -- but it tastes so good you'd swear it was unhealthy. Speaking of healthy stuffs, I also finally picked up a bottle of fish oil caplets. I can do with some Omega-3's for sure. And I really don't like fish, especially the oily ones, so I think a supplement is in order.
Monday was fine, we went outside. I chased Dunc around and then we went around the house looking for spring flowers that might have popped up. The daylilies by the garage are coming through. Our strawberry patch has spread quite a bit. I think I saw a crocus leaf, and the daffodils are coming up as well. I gave Riley a piece of pine tree to check out, and amazingly it didn't go into her mouth!
Tuesday . . . *sigh* Tuesday was bad. I really could've used the internet. The rain made me feel like a prisoner. A prisoner who got locked up with a couple of crazy monkies. And . . . well . . .it was a BIG step backward for me. Since Dunc's been walking, I've struggled with myself over methods of discipline. We've gone the non-violent way -- no spanking or slapping. It can be really tough for me because of my own upbringing, but I usually do quite well. Not Tuesday though. Then after our meltdowns, I called Dave. I wanted to try to talk to him about it, tell him how angry I was with myself, how horrified I was, how guilty, and also to ask for help. I tried to get him to come home from work. I felt like it would be best for me to not be alone with the kids, since I was clearly not in control. Instead of his support, I got his anger.
It was more of the same old shit. How everyone else's wife handles it, and why can't I, am I incompetant, why can't I just do it all the time on my own. There was more but I'm not gonna sit here and badmouth my husband. Suffice to say that instead of helping, he made the day worse. When he got home we did manage to speak calmly and honestly, and did our best to listen openly. The result was to declare Thursday evenings my time to be on my own. And us agreeing that although we've chosen a rather more difficult path than our mainstream friends and relations, we both still feel that nonviolent discipline and an attachment philosophy is the best way to go. The occasional failure is to be expected, especially given our backgrounds, but our kids are worth it.
If I'd had internet access, I could've visited AP Cleveland. I could've been reminded of all the reasons I chose this path. I could've talked to other moms who struggle with similar things. I could've whined without having to hear about how I should be able to be a good mother and good housekeeper and good wife without help. I could've spent some time feeling like part of a tribe instead of feeling like I'm alone on a small island.
Wednesday's trip to the Wadsworth library went well. Dunc was fairly calm and quiet. I picked up Unconditional Parenting along with a couple of other parenting books, and the first graphic novel adaptation of Stephen King's Dark Tower Series -- The Gunslinger Born. It's a gorgeous book. Beautiful, dark, rich illustration. And it sticks pretty close to the original text. Neither child napped, though, so we postponed the trip to my mom's until Thursday.
Dave had band practice Wednesday night. I was nervous, wondering how I'd do spending the whole night without Dave's help. But it went really well. We played with the HUGE batch of red play dough, had a quick dinner, and both kids were sleeping by 9. I even grabbed a quick shower before Dave got home at 10:30. Fuckin Supermom. Fo' real.
I dunno exactly what went on, but it seems he found new appreciation for me somewhere. Or else he was stroking my ego. Callin me supermom and talking up my successes with the kids. And he said "You're so beautiful. I can't believe I get to have sex with you." Which I like hearing, especially since my body's so change after two pregnancies and three years of nursing. So I feel pretty good, and self-esteem is nearly always an issue.
Today was fine. We read books and played. That's about it. We're here and we ate Popeye's chicken and fixin's. Things are good. That's it. The end. And stuff.

Boring Week I guess.

I can't come up with a good title for this week.
The end of last week was fine. Mercifully uneventful. We did nothing on Friday. Saturday Dave & Dunc went to Medina to go grocery shopping with Gramma DiHarney. Riley and I napped and nursed and played. Because that's what babies do. That girl is crazy, crawlin' all over the place. She walks holding onto our hands and it's clear she'd much rather get around that way, if only my back and legs would take it. I'm afraid we'll have another walker here soon, another toddler. I anticipate lots of bumps, bruises, and falls. And with Dunc around? Oh jeepers creepers and jinkies.
Sunday we all went to visit with the Mallardis, one of my favorite families. Dunc got to chase Marah around, the babies got to be babies near each other, and we "grownups" got to sit around and bullshit. Good times.
I was so effing bored on Monday. Painted a bit. The jaw, neck, shoulder, and upper chestal area of a man. One of my favorite places to look at on the male body. I have a sort of idea for a series or one big piece floating around in the back of my mind. We'll see how that comes out.
Tuesday I got a text from Terra, an invite to her place. When we got ready to go, I discovered that we had left the base for the baby bucket in Dave's car. So Terra brought me a carseat and we went to her place. Turns out the lady is PREGNANT!! And I wish her every joy of it. After her horrible loss this year, I think it'll be a joyous but nervous event. But I'm super excited for her and can not wait to watch her belly bloom and see her glow.
Today, Wednesday, was an eventful day. Right after Dave left, Dunc grabbed the bottle of teething tablets, hid, and ATE ALL OF THEM. Thank all the gods it's a homeopathic remedy. As soon as the nice poison control lady heard me say Hylands she said I didn't need to worry. As soon as I called Dave to tell him what happened, Dunc destroyed the swing we've had out for Ri to try. So I started the day off rawther frazzled. After breakfast we headed over to the Wadsworth Library to meet Ric & his kids for a couple of hours of fun. The first book I saw was the second graphic novel about Stephen King's gunslinger, called The Long Road Home. Beautiful, beautiful book. Seriously. Rich and gorgeous. Then upstairs to the children's section. We found a book called "The Stupids Die" that I had to bring home. So I got a Medina County Library Card. Hooray.
Now we are here at my parents house. Riley's in the floor and we just caught her chewing on a dog bone. Dunc is doing something in the bathroom. And my brother Tony is trying to get his chores done. So I guess this blog is mercifully short. Besides, I'm out of shit to talk about. So, um, yeah.