Week One: Preparation

You know in the movie Trainspotting, where Renton is preparing meticulously to get off junk? I've spent a half an hour looking on youtube for a clip and can't seem to find it. That's what this week as been.

For some reason, I have been unable to get Dave to call and get the internet shut off. He was all for it when I suggested it, but now he's dragging his feet.

So last Friday, I overdosed on internet. I didn't post anything on any message boards, but I lurked around and read lots of articles, and basically spent the day staring at the computer. It was the same on Saturday. On Sunday, I decided it was best to try to wean myself. Went "cool turkey" rather than cold turkey, if you know what I mean. I allowed myself to access the internet about four times on Sunday. Three times on Monday. Only two on Tuesday. Yesterday, Wednesday, I didn't even turn on the computer.

I was right about the "Bejeweled" thing, though. I played it compulsively from Sunday to Tuesday night. It's Thursday morning, and every time I close my eyes, I still see those stupid jewels.

It seems, though, that the gods of the internet are testing me. The kids were sick all weekend, nasty cold. A slight fever, a nasty-sounding productive cough, general weakness and lack of appetite. And of course, Riley is cutting a second tooth -- right next to the other one, that's still working its way out. So she now has two bottom teeth.

Then Dave got sick on Monday. He tried to go to work but came home after a couple of hours. And he stayed home Tuesday. I tried to get him to stay in bed, upstairs. He insisted on coming down and "helping" me with the kids. Those who stay at home with their kids will know this is no help. Not only was he sick & grumpy, he upset the routine of the days. No loud noises, so no dancing or tickling or chasing. Poor Dunc's had a rough week.

Yesterday, I woke up with it. I feel like hell. But of course no one could come to help me out. I asked Dave to pick me up a box of chicken soup mix -- just add water. He got a box of herb-ox packets. I didn't bother making soup, I'm not aware enough to use a knife. I took all the cushions and pillows and blankets in the house and made a nest in the living room floor, and the kids and I just laid there and watched T.V. all day. I must've angered the nap gods, because even though I got both kids to sleep at the same time TWICE, every time I closed my eyes, my damn phone rang. Let me state unequivically, I HATE THE PHONE.

As far as withdrawal symptoms. I keep having dreams about people on APC. People I've never even met in real life. (Laura, Jenny, I hope everything's OK with you.) Yeah, it's pretty weird. Also, my brain insists on planning strategy for the next round of Travian. WTF? There's not gonna BE a next round for me. One good thing. I've stopped worrying so much about the whole "economic crises" and the state of the country since I've stopped reading so much news. I'm still worried, but I am not ripping my fingernails off thinking about it. (Now, I'm just ripping my fingernails off for no reason.)

Now the computer's on, and I really, really want to go check out my usual haunts. However, I've promised Dunc that as soon as I finish this I will come sit with him in the nest. So just a few more things and I'm done.

First, I didn't realize how much my being on the computer affected Dunc's behavior. He is so much sweeter, so less likely to get into shit, when I'm not in front of this machine. I feel stupid saying that, because I should have known. But it's be the truth. My son was acting out to get attention. And now I'm kicking myself in the ass for not giving him it sooner.

I'm also realizing how much the internet contributed to my depression. I feel much better emotionally when I don't spend the evening guilty for yelling at Dunc and basically ignoring him so that I can read "just one more" article or post. Things that should've been resources turned into major diversions and time-suckers. I should never have let it get so far.

And I'm finding that I enjoy my kids much more when I am giving them undivided attention. Another "duh" moment. Even though we've been stuck inside all week and I don't really feel like moving, it's been fun. Dunc tells great stories and remembers things he has no business remembering.

But alas, it is time for Lazy Town. I hate it but Dunc LOVES it. He loves Sporticus. And I promised I'd watch with him. So . . . that's it for this week. Forgive any incoherant blather, I really am sick. Hopefully next week's entry will be much more entertaining.